start asking questions again
the key to staying curious, getting closer to others, and becoming more in tune with yourself
One of the best parts of being human is our species’ aptitude for asking questions.
The urge to question things is an extension of our inherent curiosity. In my experience, following through on even the most fleeting questions always takes me to new and unexpected places.
By suppressing this intrigue and failing to question with earnesty, we end up failing ourselves. We miss out on opportunities to learn, resolve issues, connect with others, and even further our relationships with ourselves.
If you’re feeling stuck or uninspired, I implore you to set your curiosity free by questioning:
The world around you
Those close to you
Yourself
When we ask questions, the answers received are often even greater than what we asked for.
question the world around you
There’s a big world out there. As much as we know (or think we know), there’s far more that we don’t, and we should lean into that!
Why is the sky blue? How do bridges support the weight they do? Why do we still grow eyebrow hair? How does Wi-Fi work? What’s it called when you don’t see images in your mind? What’s the origin of language? When is the sun setting today in [insert your hometown here]?
From the mundane to the philosophical, if there’s something you’re curious about - follow that thought! Go down the rabbit hole! Even if you don’t find the exact answer you were looking for you’ll definitely learn something new.
overcoming question trauma
Something many of us lose over time is our freeness in questioning the world around us. Some people were shut down early in life from questioning too much about the world around them, but don’t let that deter you from seeking answers now.
Just a few decades ago, information was much more static. I remember the time before “Google it” was an actual request. Information mainly came from textbooks, newspapers, or TV and radio. As a child, the majority of information was passed down via word of mouth from someone in my life. Asking a question could lead to an inconclusive answer if the person you were asking genuinely didn’t know the answer and didn’t have the means to find it.
Sometimes people hold shame in not knowing something, and rather than admitting they don’t know the answer, they’ll shut down the line of questioning altogether or turn things back on the questioner to make them feel lesser than for asking.
If this was a familiar experience for you - know that all your questions are valid, and there should be no shame in being curious. There is never shame in not knowing, but there will always be regret in not seeking answers.
back to basics
Still unsure where to start? That’s okay! One of the first things I remember learning in school was the question framework (5 Ws + How). It helped guide more meaningful lines of questioning, and also created a helpful basis for more colorful writing.
Who? What? Why? Where? When?
How?
If your questioning skills are a little rusty, use these as a starting point to wake up that inquisitive brain of yours.
due diligence
We live in a time where access to information is at an all time high. The caveat now is that accurate, unbiased information may be harder to find, but this is where we use and develop our deductive reasoning skills.
Anyone can put together an infographic or make a claim that something is true, so it never hurts to do your own research to ensure that what you hear on social media or in the news is backed with fact from other reputable sources.
question the people around you
If we want to deepen our connections with others and better understand where they’re coming from, we need to dig deeper than surface level.
the art of questioning
I made a friend last month who asked me a lot of questions within the first few days of meeting:
Do you think people are inherently good or bad? What animal do you think you resonate most with? What are your biggest fears? If you found out you were suddenly pregnant with twins what would you do? What’s the train of thought that plagues you?
It certainly made for some interesting conversations, and prompted me to really think about how I felt about certain things I may have previously thought about but never shared. We also talked a bit about how people react to and perceive questioning. It also made me think about how some other people in my life may not know this information about me (and vice versa) simply because we’ve never asked.
Now, just barraging someone with questions doesn’t make for very natural conversation, and some people aren’t as comfortable answering questions in group settings vs one on one. As a questioner, determine what you’re hoping to achieve with your questions, gauge the person’s receptiveness, and take it easy at first. Or go all in to vibe check then proceed from there. You honestly don’t know if you don’t ask.
As a receiver of questions - you can always draw boundaries and decide not to give someone an answer. You can say “I never considered that” or even turn the question back to the person. Asking “Why do you ask that?” can also be telling, because though some questions may have a particular intention behind them, sometimes they’re just rooted in curiosity alone.
You can offer as much information as you feel comfortable with, and if something feels uncomfortable to share, perhaps turn the question inward and consider “Why do I feel unwilling to share or explore this line of questioning?”
time ≠ relationship depth
Sometimes we take the people closest to us for granted. We assume we know someone and where we stand based solely on knowing them for 5, 10, 20 years. It’s easy to make assumptions based on shared history instead of straight up asking and meaningfully checking in.
In the way that our own thoughts change by the day, month and year, as do those of the people around us. Everyone is a universe in their own right. If we don’t stop to acknowledge their new constellations, or take regular inventory of their pressure changes and craters, it becomes all too easy to drift out of their orbit.
I loved this Substack piece that called out the potential for surface level friendships to persist despite the desire to be known.
What do you wish you knew about the people closest to you? What do you want to know about someone you don’t know as well but want to? Questioning is a give and take. Consider if you want more people in your life to know certain things about you and your thoughts/feelings, then make moves to share them!
Ask the people you love questions! Ask people you want to know better questions! Ask strangers questions because you want to know where they got their jewelry from! Ask a fine shyt if it hurt when they fell from heaven!
You get the idea.
question yourself
Maybe most importantly, don’t forget to question yourself.
Not in that existential questioning way (trust me I do enough of that too), but in that reflective, check-in sort of way.
Here are some questions I asked myself this week:
Am I really satisfied or am I playing it safe? Do I really think these things about myself now or are they just a familiar narrative I’ve told myself my whole life? Why do I have money anxiety when objectively everything is fine? Do I want to color my hair black again? (the answer is not yet)
The exciting thing about questioning yourself is that no one else is privy to that discussion - you can come in from a nonjudgemental place and really get real with yourself to understand how you really feel about things and why, question your status quo, and assess your plans from there.
bonus: 5 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself Right Now
(Thank You Mel Robbins!)
During a walk last week, I listened to Mel Robbins’ podcast titled 5 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself Right Now. I had not been asked or asked myself these questions in a while. I thought each of her questions was especially helpful in setting up some next steps for my mindset and routine going forward.
I truly recommend listening to the entire podcast on Spotify (LINK) or watching on YouTube (LINK) for some valuable anecdotes and details behind each of the questions she poses below:
How Are You Really Doing?
Who Do You Want to Spend More Time With?
What’s Been Bringing You Joy Lately?
What’s Secretly Draining Your Energy?
What’s One New Thing You’ll Try This Week?
Asking myself these questions affirmed some changes I plan to incorporate in my life including (in no order):
Building and sticking to a more consistent morning routine
Being intentional about my upcoming job search considering what brings me joy and what’s drained me in the past
Enjoying more time on vacation near the water
Reaffirmed my intentions to plan and host more social gatherings in the fall/winter and scheduling things that I want to happen (cooking dates, hosting a D&D game, a reading day/at home cafe, board game nights, planning trips with friends & family)
Making sure to check in with people more meaningfully (both people I haven’t spoken to in a while and people who are already close to me)
If you listened to her podcast as well and plan to implement any changes in your life - please feel free to share in the comments! Let’s cheer each other on!
I hope you get to build a positive relationship with the idea of questioning or maybe even repair the relationship with questioning you once had.
May the questions you pose about the world around you, the people around you, and most importantly to yourself, help unlock a more exciting and more expansive outlook on life.
If you have a question you want to share - comment below or send it my way!